If you’re a woman who has worked in bars for any length of time, chances are you’ve experienced some form of sexism. Chances are also good that you didn’t tell anyone about it.
“For so long, this industry has thrived on women keeping quiet for fear of reprisal,” says Jenn Tosatto, the bar manager at Kansas City, Mo.’s Mission Taco Joint. But by failing to speak up, you perpetuate a culture of gender bias. And though real change won’t happen overnight, there are things you can do right now to address the problem. These are seven tips for dealing with sexism at your bar job.
1. Get Educated
“Arm yourself with knowledge, language, friends—anything to help you defend your humanity,” says Mary Palac of Paper Plane in San Jose, Calif. “Knowledge gives you courage, and courage helps you communicate clearly and effectively.”
Effectively being the operative word, according to Kaleena Goldsworthy, the owner of The Bitter Bottle in Chattanooga, Tenn. She stresses the importance of being smart in your delivery (no matter how scalding your blood’s boiling temperature might be). “It’s important to not just be angry about it but to explain the reasons why,” she says.
An offender, whether conscious of the offense or not, is much more likely to listen and absorb the information contained in your response than they would an angry rebuttal. A smart response also provides less ammo for someone to possibly use your anger or emotion to discredit or undermine you—the oldest sexist trick in the book.
2. Form an Alliance
“Strength in numbers does matter. It makes people have to answer to you and to others,” says Portland, Maine, bar owner Briana Volk. This goes both ways: Establish a network to turn to when you need help or guidance, but also be ready to provide that support yourself when a fellow colleague needs reinforcement.
“Find a circle of women to vent with,” says New York City bartender Dorothy Elizabeth. “I have my own ‘cocktail coven’ of like-minded women who get how terrible it is being the only girl behind a bar. Find a support network that gives you every avenue to succeed. Also, it helps to work in an establishment with women in leadership who proactively hire other women. You can seek it out or, if you’re like me, create it.”